Wedding Gowns

A few nights ago, when I was navigating through Pinterest in the search for new nail art inspirations, I came across these two photographs; one of a wedding gown and the other of a wdedding couple.

There is something, something like a little tug, happening inside of my heart each time I happen to come across photos like these. It really is a sad little tug, but also a sadly painful one. It is the tug of a multitude of unfulfilled promises and hopeful dreams, waiting in the shadow of the knowledge that perhaps, some things were never meant to be fulfilled nor reached in the end.

So that is how, after an year of poetic inactivity, my mind decided to make a come back, because I finally understood what really fuels my poems. It is Sadness.

My poem below is called Wedding Gowns, and I wrote it entirely guided by the feelings that those two photographs stirred up.

As my eyes come to rest on white gowns

with flowing lenghts of lace and pearl

as beautiful as a nascent blossom's petals

my heart beats to the rhythm of one question

Will i ever adorn myself with one?

And as that beat pounds through my blood,

it reaches my mind, which protests

No, that is not the question

What is it, then?

Close your eyes and search your darkest corner

What do you hear?

When I will wear such beautiful bridal vestment,

will i do so for a pair of eyes that have seen my soul?

Every ragged corner and dusty old ridge,

left behind by a tumultuous past,

every memory and truth and lie.

Will those eyes have seen me in all of my soul's nakedness?

Will those eyes brim with love nevertheless?

Will those eyes be the ones looking into mine, on that fatidic day?

The downside of Music

I really did not think this would be my first post, but it's 3am in the morning and I just finished one assignment and reading on for the next one. The stress level is high and the tired feeling is slowly winning the battle (yes, I will probably sleep in a while).

Anyway, as a habit I always listen to music in the background whenever I do work. A lot of people have asked me how it does not bother me to have music playing while trying to focus on academia, but really the answer is very simple. I don't pay attention to the lyrics, I just listen to the music.
But yes, there is one big drawback about this. When the stress level is high (like right now), my brain tends to divert its focus onto the lyrics and that, right there, is where the problem lies. When the focus goes into the lyrics, you start to naturally pay more attention to the feelings that the songs resuscitate in your heart. That brings up something that I find even scarier than feelings: Memories.

The power of a song is that its lyrics or its music is always able to struck a chord in your heart that triggers up your brain to conjure memories that you would prefer to keep locked up, so as to keep them in check. But what would you do if all the memories that start surfacing up are the sad kind, the kind that you never want to forget but that you are also afraid to remember? There, that is the downside of music when studying!